Flag Girl by Brittany Randolf

 

 ”The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”
– Maya Angelou   

Since I wrote that post about personality types and their corresponding countries, a lot of you have found this site through google-searching “Where in the world do I belong?” or “My country doesn’t match my personality type.”       

Apparently, there are quite a number of you who feel as though the stork got lost while on his way to say, Fiji and dropped you off in Finland or France or Fallujah instead.  Well, that sucks.  And I hear ya.  I’ve often wondered if a country like Spain (with it’s siestas and 36-day of yearly paid vacation time) wouldn’t perhaps have been a better cultural fit for my vagabond ways than my motherland (Land of the Free, Home of the Work-Enslaved).       

The author of the book Geography of Bliss: One Grumps Search for the Happiest Places in the World, Eric Weiner, has a term for this.  He refers to people who’ve found a better cultural fit in a country other than their birth-place, ‘hedonic refugees’.  As he explains,  hedonic refugees are “not political refugees, escaping a repressive regime, nor economic refugees, crossing a border in search of a better-paying job.  They are hedonic refugees, moving to a new land, a new culture, because they are happier there.  Usually, hedonic refugees have an epiphany, a moment of great clarity when they realize, beyond a doubt, that they were born in the wrong country.”       

For me, that epiphany came when I was 15.  I’d just returned from spending a summer studying abroad in Chiba, Japan and although I knew that Japan wasn’t where I was meant to spend the rest of my life, I knew without a doubt that the US wasn’t either.  While my peers were busy plotting what they’d wear to prom, I was in the school library pouring over the encyclopedia and plotting future trips to Paris and Peru.  ‘Operation:  Move Abroad and Live Happily Ever After’ was in full-swing and now, 30 countries and 13 years later, it’s nowhere near completion.  I still haven’t found a country to call ’home’ and I’m beginning to think that I never will.  Which, perhaps, at least according to Eric Weiner, isn’t such a bad thing.       

“What to do with this information?” He asks after detailing the phenomenon of ‘cultural fit’.  “Should we administer cultural-compatibility tests to high school students, the way we used to test for career compatibility?  I can imagine the phone call from the school guidance counselor.  “Hi, Mrs. Williams, we’ve tested little Johnnie and determined that he would fit in perfectly in Albania.  He’d really be much happier there.  A flight leaves at 7:00 p.m.  Should I go ahead and make that booking for you?       

Of course not.  Just because the culture fits doesn’t mean we should wear it, and, besides, every society needs its cultural misfits.  It is these people – those who are partially though not completely alienated from their own culture – who produce great art and science.  Einstein, a German Jew, was a cultural misfit.  We all benefit from Einstein’s work…”       

He has a point.  I imagine that if I ever did manage to find a country filled with people identical in personality to me, I probably wouldn’t want to live there.  If such a country existed, I’d imagine that it probably wouldn’t fare too well for the simple fact that there’d never be anyone there to run-it.   At any given time, half of the country’s population would probably be sitting in a park somewhere in London or Los Angeles and on every restaurant or storefront window would read the sign:  “Gone on a vacation break.  Be back in 5-10 days”.       

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that you could devote your entire life to traveling the world to find that soul-mate of cities or that country you were destined to spend happily ever after with and maybe you’ll luck out and find it.  Author David Sedaris (an American in Paris) did.  As did Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Madonna, Johnny Depp, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Pamela Anderson.       

Or…      

You could save yourself the trouble and devote your energy to learning to love the country you’re in.  Embrace your outsider status.  And let that freak flag fly.        

For more information on hedonic refugees, read an interview with Eric Weiner  on World Hum.      

Related posts:

1. Which Country Best Matches Your Personality?
2. Are Americans ‘Bad Friends’?
3. Roots

Since the beginning of mankind, people have packed up and moved to avoid famine, warfare, religious persecution or (these days anyway) tanking housing markets.  But when considering places to relocate, most people don’t think beyond the borders of their own country.  When looking for a  retirement destination, for instance, most people think Florida and rarely do they ever consider Lithuainia.  But perhaps they’d be better suited to life in Lithuania and just don’t realize it.  Because according to Brent Massey, author of Where in the World Do I Belong?  Which Country’s Culture Fits Your Myers Briggs Personality Type?, Lithuania (as well as Serbia and Afghanistan) is brimming with creative, innovative and outspoken nonconformists.  In fact, he offers up the theory that every country’s culture has a predominant personality type which coincides with one of the 16 personalities first outlined in the famous Myers-Briggs personality assessment model.   According to his findings, Americans are hard-working and boisterous extroverts, for example, and Germans are serious, dependable introverts.  These are, of course, sweeping generalizations, and the author is first to admit it.  Most of the “proof” he offers is based on his personal observations and the opinions of friends and local university exchange students.  He profiles 115 different countries but only interviews 400 people, which is hardly a large enough sample size to draw any concrete conclusions from it. 

But it’s still an interesting theory.  I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider in my home country and have wondered if perhaps the United States just isn’t a good cultural fit for me.  According to Massey, it isn’t.  I’m an INFP (a thoughtful, creative introvert whose flexible and laid-back but easily bored by routine) whereas the predominant personality type in the United States (or at least the one that’s favored by society) is ESTJ (extroverted, detail-oriented and practical).  The United States, according to Massey, is my polar opposite and his work would suggest that perhaps I’d be happier in Nepal or Burma.  While I won’t be be mail-order-brideing myself to a Burmese rice farmer anytime soon, it’s certainly something to think about.

The following are descriptions of some of the 16 personality types, along with the countries Massey felt best corresponded with them.  

If you’re unsure of your pesonality type, you can take a shortened version of the personality test on the this website.  You’ll then receive a four-letter code that summarizes the way you interact with people, process information and perceive the world (E = Extrovert, I = Introvert, N = iNtuition, F = Feeling, T = Thinking and J = Judging).  If you don’t see your personality type listed below, it’s because Massey wasn’t able to find a country that matched it (it looks like some people are destined to feel like outsiders no matter where they live!) 

What do you think?  Are some personality types more dominant in certain cultures than in others? 

ESFP -The Entertainer 

Personality Description:   ESFP’s are spontaneous, optimistic and enjoy being the center of attention.  They’re also out-going, social and crave excitement.  An ESFP is a true ’people-person’ and dislikes being alone.  Although ESFP’s prefer to avoid activities that require analytical or theoretical thinking, they have a practical side that make them skilled problem-solvers. 

 Country Matches:  Mexico, Guatemala, the Bahamas, Jamaica, Chile, Peru, Colombia, Portugal, Romania, Greece, Malta, Turkey, Tibet, Australia, Bangladesh, Thailand, New Zealand, The Dominican Republic, South Africa, Melanesia Soloman Islands, Cyprus, Sri Lanka, American Samoa, Tanzania

ESTJ – The Overseer

St. Paul's Cathedral and London Eye by J.A. Acaide

Personality Description:  Practical, straight-forward, honest and task-focused, ESTJ’s are natural-born leaders.  They love to take charge and are skilled at planning and implementing new ideas.  They’re fondness for rules and procedures, however, can sometimes lead people to see them as insensitive, especially because they tend to apply logic and reason to situations where other people’s feelings are involved.  They’re self-confident and aggressive and have strong convictions and beliefs about the world, which, if they aren’t careful, can sometimes lead them to becoming too critical, rigid and narrow-minded.  Outgoing and outspoken, they’re friendly and fun to be around and strive to create a secure and tradition-based environment for themselves and their families.  Some psychologists have speculated that George W. Bush is an ESTJ.

Country Matches:  USA, England, Austria, Slovenia, Hungary, Croatia, the Netherlands

ENFP – The Advocate

Relaxation - Belize Style by AJ Baxter

Personality Description:   You could say that ENFP’s are in love with life.  They’re enthusiastic, optimistic idealistic risk-takers who possess a zest and excitement for all of the possibilities life has to offer.  They’re easily bored by routine and tasks that require attention to detail and have trouble with task-completion.  They prefer the planning-stages of projects.  While they’re warm and personable and talented at motivating and inspiring people to action, they can also fall into the trap of idolizing others, which can lead to disappointment when that person or situation doesn’t live up to their expectations.  They’re skilled at seeing multiple possibilities and this, combined with their need for excitement and change, can make it difficult for ENFP’s to remain in relationships.  They often have numerous careers in their lifetimes, which can sometimes cause people to see ENFP’s as aimless or scattered.  But they’re very values-driven and are on a constant quest to find meaning in their lives as well as inner peace.  ENFP’s are excellent verbal communicators and in the hands of a manipulative ENFP, this skill can be used to con or deceive people.   But due to ENFP’s highly-evolved value systems, this is a rare occurrence.  

Country Matches:  Ireland, Italy, Denmark, Brazil, Bulgaria, Belize, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Georgia, Mongolia, Kyrgystan and India

ENFJ – The Mentor

The Village of Tasiilaq, Greenland by Christine Zenino

Personality Description:  ENFJ’s are charming, self-confident, honest and sensitive and have a knack for being able to ‘read’ people.  They tend to place the needs of others before their own and feel happiest when helping or nurturing people.  They’re generous, extremely social and place a high value on their personal relationships.  They can also be sensitive to criticism and because they tend to see everything from a human angle, are not good at working strictly with facts and figures.  Former president of the French Republic, François Mitterrand, was thought to have been an ENFJ.

Country Matches:  Greenland, Ghana, French-Speaking Canada, French-Speaking Belgium

ENTP – The Visionary

Personality Description:  ENTP’s are quick-thinkers and love to debate.  They love to analyze ideas and are constantly in search of ways to improve the world they live in.  They’re resourceful, extremely clever, innovative and curious which makes them great entrepreneurs, inventors or lawyers.  They’re quick to assess a situation, recognize a pattern and then come up with a solution.  But sometimes this logical approach to decision-making can cause ENTP’s to overlook the human-side of the equation and hurt people’s feelings. 

Country Matches:  Lithuania, Serbia, Afghanistan

ISTJ – The Duty Fulfiller

 Personality Description:  According to research referenced in his book, Massey claims that this personality type often suffers the most from the effects of culture shock and have trouble adjusting to life abroad. 

ISTJ’s possess a strong understanding of the differences between right and wrong.  They are extremely thorough and once they’ve begun a project, they won’t feel satisfied until they’ve successfully completed it.  They are serious, quiet, goal-oriented and extremely focused.  They can concentrate for long periods of time and are generally successful at anything they put their mind to. 

Although very responsible and dependable, among friends, ISTJ’s have been known to have an an odd sense of humor.  They are loyal friends and believe above all else, in organization and in upholding traditions.  George Washington is thought to have been an ISTJ.    

Country Matches:  Germany, Finland, Estonia, Switzerland

INFP – The Dreamer

Photo by Tranuf. Photo taken in Burma.

Personality Description: INFP’s easily adapt to new situations and are flexible and laid-back.  That is, until a value they hold dear is challenged, then they can become quite aggressive.  They’re loyal, reflective, idealistic and creative with a highly-developed skill for the written language.  They never lose their sense of wonder and are curious and keen observers, with an intense desire to understand and help others.  They don’t place high importance in the mundane details of every day life and are at their best when allowed to devote themselves fully to a cause or activity that they feel passionate about.  INFP’s are perfectionists and this can make it difficult for them to see the value in their own accomplishments.  William Shakespeare has been labeled an INFP as has Jacqueline Kennedy and Helen Keller.

Country Matches:  Nepal and Burma

ISFP – The Artist

Belgiump by Eole

Pesonality Description:  Extremely creative and with highly-developed senses, ISFP’s make great artists.  Independent, quiet and often private people, ISFP’s can be difficult to get to know.  But ISFP’s are caring, sensitive individuals and very loyal friends. 

 Country Matches:  Dutch-Speaking Belgium, China, Cambodia, Micronesia, Lichtenstein, Slovakia

ESFJ – The Caregiver

Personality Description:  ESFJ take things quite literally and base decisions on concrete facts.  They’re warm-hearted, conscientious and responsible.  They frequently place the needs of others before their own.  They excel at activities that require an eye for detail and thrive in structured, controlled environments.  They dislike uncertainty and prefer to live a life steeped in the traditions upheld by their communities.  They desire acceptance and praise from others and although ESFJ’s can be generous, they give with an expectation of receiving acknowledgement in return.  They are sensitive and tend to get their feelings hurt quite easily, but this sensitivity is also what makes them exceptionally good at bringing the best out in people.   

Country Matches:  English-Speaking Canada, Costa Rica, Ukraine, Namibia, Uganda, Taiwan and South Korea

ISFJ – The Defender

Hmong Village Kids by HKmPua

Personality Description:  ISFJ’s are traditional and kind-hearted and place emphasis on maintaining a harmonious and cooperative living environment.  Their loyalty, observation skills, sensitivity and hyper-vigilance is what has earned this personality type the title of “Defender”. 

ISFJ’s have rich inner worlds but tend to shy away from expressing their feelings.  This can lead to frustration or depression if they don’t have an outlet for their intense emotions.  They’re very sensitive to criticism and can be very hard on themselves when they make mistakes.  They also have a difficult time saying ‘no’ to people. 

ISFJ’s take their responsibilities very seriously and for this reason, are very dependable.  They have excellent memories and are detail-oriented.  But perhaps their best trait is their sensitivity to the feelings of others and ability to always see the best in people.  Mother Theresa was said to have been an ISFJ.

Country Matches:  Japan, Vietnam, Singapore, Laos, Latvia and Sweden

ENTJ – The Executive

Young Entrepreneur by Sailing Nomad

Personality Description:  ENTJ’s are confident, opinionated, competitive, ambitious and analytical, which is what makes them ideal personalities for leadership roles.  They have a natural ability to absorb and analyze large amounts of information and then make quick, often accurate assessments.  They have a low tolerance for inefficiency or for people who don’t share their same perspective.  Sometimes they can come across as overbearing or aggressive but they genuinely love people, are excellent conversationalists and can be quite sentimental at times. 

Country Matches:  France, Jordan

Sources:  Where in the World Do I Belong? by Brent Massey, The Personality Pages,  My Personality.Info

Related posts:

1. Personality Types and Blogging: How Personality May Affect Your Writing
2. Help! I Was Born in the Wrong Country!
3. Imagine if You Could Start Your Own Country…What Would You Do?

A Couple in the Dark by Carlo Nicora

I don’t write about my dating life on this blog much (or at all, really).  When you write about your life on the Internet, you gotta draw the line somewhere and I guess that line for me is discussing details of Relationships Past, Present or Future.  I think it’s important to respect people’s privacy, which is why I don’t write about my friends or family much either (other than the occasional, casual mention).  That, and most people I know aren’t as comfortable sharing their lives with faceless strangers from the Internet.

Fair enough.  Sometimes I’m not even sure I’m comfortable with it, especially when I’m applying for jobs and some of my most personal thoughts and feelings are only a Google-search away from a prospective employer’s eyes.  It’s an odd feeling to walk into a job interview and wonder if the manager seated before you has read about that time you set off the fire alarm in the shower or the time James Franco almost fell in love with you. It’s situations like that that make me wonder if I’d be better off blogging anonymously.

Especially when I get concerned phone calls from my parents that begin with:  “I read your blog today…about how you got into a fight with the photocopy machine again….” And end with:  “Reannon, are you sure you’re okay?”

Recently I broke my vow of silence though and submitted a piece to Vagabondish about how tough it was being single in Tokyo.  I actually wrote the piece over a year ago, while I was still living in Japan and submitted it to a few Japan-based magazines and webzines and was told (and I quote) “We get pitched this idea too often.”  While it was reassuring to know that I wasn’t the only one who found the dating prospects in Japan to be well, limited to say the least, it was also perplexing.  If there were other women writing about how they had trouble finding a date in Tokyo, why wasn’t anyone publishing anything about it?

Well, if you were like I was a year ago, a single girl in Japan suffering through both Valentine’s Day (and the equally offensive White Day) with only your boyfriend pillow for company, well you can rest assured that at least there were – and still are – others suffering along side you.

Like one of my favorite bloggers, Sarah Marchildon of The Hollywood North Report, for example.  She writes about her dating pitfalls in Japan far better than I ever could (they’re equal parts hilarious and depressing) and provides details that I’d be far too embarrassed to have splashed on the Internet.  I’m grateful that she had the courage to include them.  My favorite posts of hers were Man Hunt and Man Hunt: Part II.

And then there’s my article:  No Sex in the City:  What it’s like to be Female and Foreign in Japan.

It’s ironic that some of the qualities that make it possible for western women to move to a foreign country by themselves to begin with (their strength and independence, for instance) are the same qualities that damn them to lives of celibacy once they get there.  My male friends have claimed that I’m stereotyping men everywhere with this theory, so you’ll have to let me know what you think.  But it’s my opinion that the reason women have trouble dating (locals and foreigners alike) while abroad is that men (in general) are intimidated and threatened by women who are independent and emotionally strong enough to pack up and ship off half way across the world alone.

I could be wrong (and I seriously hope I am, because being right would mean that I’m never going to find a boyfriend ever again) but this article about which sports men find sexiest, certainly suggests that I could be onto something.  According to a poll of 6,000 people, which was conducted by Sam Murphy and Richard Wiseman (a fitness expert and a professor from the UK), men ranked aerobics, pilates, ‘going to the gym’ and running as the sexiest female sports.  Women, on the other hand, found rock-climbing to be the physical activity they found most attractive on men (an activity that unlike ‘going to the gym’ is an actual sport).  Professor Wiseman’s theory for the difference in gender-preferences was this:

“Women’s choices appear to reflect the type of psychological qualities that they find attractive – such as bravery and a willingness to take on challenges – whilst men are more shallow, looking for a woman who is physically fit but not challenging their ego by being overly strong.”

So brave men who read this blog, what do you think?  Do you find women who live (or have lived) abroad ‘challenging to your ego’ or is this all a bunch of feminist BS?

Related posts:

1. She’s a Super Freak
2. Are North American Women Really THAT Bad?
3. There’s a Gym at my Grocery Store

Today my Dutch roommate told me that he doesn’t like living with expats.

“At home I’m special,” he explained.  “But here, no one cares that I used to live in Curacao,” naming the Caribbean island he lived on for five months before moving to Guatemala.

It’s true.  I live in a house with mostly other foreigners who work for an NGO here in Xela.  Before Guatemala, they’d lived all over the world.  The British guy taught English in Korea and Thailand.  The Belgian artists lived in London and volunteered in Nicaragua.

But that’s precisely what I like about it.  I love that I can say that I used to live in Japan or Germany and no one even bats an eye.  And if they say anything at all, it’s to ask me if the snow festival in Sapporo was as good as it was when they went there.

Some people live abroad so that they can feel different or special.  I live abroad because it’s the only place I feel normal.

Related posts:

1. Living abroad makes you more creative…But what happens after you return home?
2. Which do you Prefer: Traveling or Living Abroad?
3. Why don’t more Americans travel abroad?

If I could only use one word to describe my life in Guatemala, it would be this:  rustic. Well, maybe it’s not rustic by some people’s standards.  I mean, I have a roof over my head after all (although I use that term loosely), electricity (well, most days), cable TV, hot water (sometimes) and most importantly, Internet access.  Certainly by Guatemalan standards, I’m living the high life.

But I certainly don’t feel that way on mornings when I trek to the bathroom in the pouring rain (our bathroom is located in the courtyard outside) or when I haven’t washed my hair in five days because we don’t have hot water and it’s too cold in the little outdoor shower shack get my hair wet.

Or when I spend 45 minutes hand-washing my clothes in the basin outside (we don’t have a washing machine) and then it rains so hard that I have to hang them from the rafters in my room and three days later they’re still damp and are beginning to mold.

Pretty much the only way I’ve been able to adjust to this life of ‘roughing it’ has been to just pretend I’m camping.  Because checking your shoes each morning for spiders, using an outhouse, cooking by flashlight…these are all things that under normal circumstances might seem like a pain, but when you’re camping, are all just part of the adventure.

View of Terrace

Before my mom came to visit a few weeks ago, I was worried that Guatemala might be a bit underdeveloped for her.  I explained that my room was small and that if she stayed there, she’d have to share a bathroom with a Guatemalan family of seven and two Christian missionaries (which was the situation at my previous apartment back in Antigua).

“Well, it can’t be worse than that place we stayed in Europe,” she said, meaning the windowless room we’d shared in Prague.  “Or that hotel in Tokyo.”

Here’s a picture of the hotel room we stayed in when I first moved to Tokyo:

Would you believe that this is the ‘Medium-Sized’ room?

“Yes, it’s worse.”  I told her.  “It’s smaller and there are bugs…ants, termites, cockroaches and spiders.”  Which is something you’d almost never find in a Japanese hotel room.  And then I added the part that would surely be the deal-breaker:  “And, mom,” I paused for dramatic effect.  “You can’t flush the toilet paper down the toilet.”

Well,” she said dismissively.  “I just won’t follow that rule then.”

“Mom!”  I yelled into the phone, astonished.  “You can’t just not follow that rule…You’ll brake their plumbing.  The pipes are too thin for toilet paper…They’ll have to replace them if you flush it.”  I didn’t know if that last part was true, but it sounded about right.

It’s not that I didn’t want my mom to visit.  I did.  I just wanted to be sure that if she came, that she’d be prepared to rough it.  Because although my mom’s a fairly capable traveler, roughing it isn’t something she does very well. Or as she says, there are just certain luxuries that she can’t live without.  Namely, clean, private toilets, organic vegetables and cream for her coffee.  And Guatemala just happens to be lacking in all three of those things.

But despite my warnings, my mom came anyway.  And you know what?  She did pretty well!  She didn’t complain once.  Not when we had to ride a Chicken Bus (it’s a public bus, with chickens in it…and goats, pigs and about a bazillion Guatemalans).  Not when she was kept up all night by buzzing mosquitoes.  Not when we both came down with severe food poisoning from some bad nachos.  And not when we had to hike for 45 minutes up a mountain and she was nearly bitten by this:

Related posts:

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2. Auto Hotels and Love Hotels
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