Taken by the Wind » Weird and Wacky Tokyo

Kanamara Matsuri

Reannon Muth — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 12:17:00 +0000

“Just follow the giant pink penis! We’re in the crowd right behind it.”
- My friend, while shouting directions over his cell phone.

The Japanese word for penis is “chinko”. I know this because I had to ask the woman behind me while I was waiting in the line to buy a penis-shaped lollypop.

“One penis, please.” I said, laughing as I gave my order to the vendor. I think that the drunk tourist standing next to me could have used this helpful bit of information, because his exasperated shouts in English of: “No, I don’t want just one penis. I want two!” didn’t go over very well.

My friends and I were at the Kanamara Matsuri, a fertility festival in Kawasaki, a city located between Tokyo and Yokohama. The festival is held annually at the permanent residence of the festival’s main attraction: a shiny black penis statue. The story supposedly goes that prostitutes during the Edo period used to pray before the penis shrine in the hopes that it would bring them good health and many wealthy customers.

Today the festival is held to raise money for Aids research and to provide an opportunity for men to become reacquainted with their ten-year-old selves. Two of my male friends took every opportunity to throw in a penis euphemism or joke, (as in “Look at that guy wearing that penis hat…What a d*ckhead.”).

What I found most surprising about the festival wasn’t the phallic-shaped vegetables or the random Japanese man wearing a plastic penis on his nose, but that in many respects the festival was just like any other religious festival in Japan. The morning ceremony involved monks in robes, praying before a heavily decorated shrine, a traditional dance performance by kimono-clad elementary school-aged girls and for the grand finale, a parade of sweaty men marching around the neighborhood chanting with a shrine hoisted over their shoulders. If it weren’t for the fact that kneeling next the monks in robes were men in drag and that one of the shrines was a hot pink penis the size of a small child, I’d say that the festival was sort of disappointingly ordinary. I mean, I wasn’t exactly expecting a surprise guest appearance by Lorraina Bobbet, but a sacrifice to the God’s would have been nice.

Although as the day wore on and people became progressively more drunk, things did get a little more interesting. I must say that American military men, giant penis-shaped radishes and copious ammounts of Asahi beer are sort of a lethal combination. You’ll have to use your imagination on that one, because the photos I took are a bit on the explicit side for this PG blog.

My favorite part of the festival came at the end of the day, when I was pulled up on stage to accompany the band in singing “Stand by Me”. I’m not the best singer, but by that time everyone was so drunk that it didn’t matter. I waved my Penis lollypop at the crowd and they waved their beers at me and cheered and it was another one of those magical, surreal, Japan moments where I found myself having difficulty remembering why I ever decided that I wanted to leave.

Just Your Average Sunday in Japanland…

Reannon Muth — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 14:38:00 +0000

Flower Girl

Reannon Muth — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:58:00 +0000

There’s a new celebrity in town and her name is Sakura. She’s tiny, delicate, a pale shade of pink and every one’s clamoring for a chance to be photographed with her. She’s the new Paris Hilton and she’s got this country so love-struck, one could say it’s bordering on obsessive. People travel thousands of miles and camp out overnight in freezing temperatures, all just for the chance to spend a single day in her presence.

For weeks, I’ve known she was coming. Everyone from my boss to my Japanese language school have been sending me emails, waxing poetically about her beauty or else theorizing when she’d make her first appearance in Tokyo. The morning news has offered daily reports on Sakura sightings; where she’d been spotted last and educated guesses on where she’d be headed next.

I chalked it all up to yet another Japanese fad, akin to the Banana Diet of ’08 and didn’t give it much thought.

“What’s the big deal?” I said every time I clicked on the “not attending” icon to yet another ‘Sakura party’ or picnic invite on Facebook that one of my sakura-obsessed friends was hosting. “The only Sakura fans are old people,” I said in an attempt to reassure myself that I wasn’t missing out. “She’s not THAT pretty.”

But then last weekend in Kyoto, I grudgingly agreed to accompany a friend to a Sakura photoshoot. Sakura was doing a week-only special appearance in the Zen garden of a famous temple. It was agreed by most that the beauty of the peaceful, majestic and meticulously groomed Zen garden would be the best spot to photograph her. Green, yellow and blue spotlights had been set up with this in mind, and as the sun began to set, crowds of tourists descended upon the temple in eager anticipation.

“I feel like I’m in Disneyland”, I said as well paid the US $8 entrance fee and joined the throng of tourists waiting in line at the entrance.

“Shh!” my friends said, as we slipped off our shoes and followed the crowd who’s excited chatter had fallen to a hushed quiet. We tiptoed barefoot across the cold wooden temple floors and then around a corner…and there she was.

I gasped.

“Wow, oh wow,” I said, awed. “She’s like…Cinderella.” Flashbulbs went off all around us as peope pushed forward leaning over the barricade in order to get a good shot.

She stood, rooted in spot, her hair falling in long, soft tendrils across her face. It was the color and texture of soft, fluffy, pink cotton candy and was so long it nearly touched the ground. The spotlights illuminated her hair, casting the rest of her in dark shadows. The stars above her head seemed to twinkle like dainty diamond-crusted barrettes. She was gorgeous.

And I fell in love…hard. It was like that Justin Timberlake song:

“Those flashing lights seem to cause a glare
The way they hit her I just stop and stare
She’s got me love stoned from everywhere
She’s bad and she knows
I think that she knows…”

I’ve spent the last few days in this sort of love-stoned bubble of happiness. It’s true what they say, Tokyo looks a thousand times more beautiful when Sakura is around. I wander around the streets smiling like a mad-woman, sharing my sakura-spotting story with my roommates and co-workers and with the random old ladies I meet at Lawsons.

But you know what? It doesn’t even matter…because everyone around me has been bitten by the love bug as well. They understand.

In fact, Sakura has inspired…

Wedding themes…

And Fashion trends…

Even Starbucks and The Body Shop have jumped on the trend…

And you know you’ve made it when drag queens write you tribute songs…

Sakura, I heart you…

Breaking News: The Phantom White Dude has a Girlfriend

Reannon Muth — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 16:44:00 +0000

My ninth roommate, a 20-something American whom I affectionately refer to as “The Phantom White Dude” has a girlfriend…and she is really hot.

This probably won’t come as a surprise to anyone who’s familiar with expat life in Asia. After all, the whole ‘weird white dude + supermodel gorgeous girlfriend = typical relationship’ is an equation that you learn not to question when you live in Japan. It’s a fact of life, a universal truth…and you learn quickly that life is a lot easier here if you just accept it and move on. The Earth is round. Madonna ages backwards. And in Tokyo, coffee costs US $5 and dorky guys are King. Don’t complain about it, don’t question it and for heavens sake, don’t try to understand it. You’ll just give yourself a headache.

But I think the Phantom White Dude sort of takes this to a whole new level. For one, he’s a bit on the anti-social side. Since last writing about him, I’ve caught a glimpse of him on a few separate occasions. Yeah, glimpse would definitely be the right word choice here. I once spotted him rinsing a dish in the sink as I was leaving my room. I desperately wanted to talk to him, but I had to duck back into my room to shut off my heater. I was literally gone for maybe a max of 15 seconds, but by the time I re-entered the living room, he’d vanished.

For another, he’s a huge slob. No, I haven’t been in his room before…but I can see into it. A balcony separates our two rooms and he often leaves his curtains open at night, which gives me a clear view of the piles of half-eaten bento boxes and ramen bowls. His bed is nearly hidden under a pile of dirty laundry. Can you imagine any girl electing to sleep over in that mess, let alone a Japanese girl (who comes from the cleanest country in the World?).

I met her last night…only I didn’t know it at the time. My Taiwanese roommate and I were watching this German prison movie when we heard the key turn in the front door and then watched as the Japanese version of Charlize Thereon stepped into our living room.

“Uh. Can I use the bathroom?”

“Yeah, OK. Do you live here?” A legitimate question, being that our apartment is more of a youth hostel for long-term travelers than an actual permanent residence. I was confused as to how she’d gotten a key and it didn’t even occur to me that she was a guest of the The Phantom who lives in the hallway.

“No.” She headed headed down the hallway to the bathroom.

Well, okay.

“Do you know her?” I whispered to the Taiwanese girl.

“No, I never saw her before.” She shrugged, as if it was perfectly normal to have supermodel Japanese girls waltz into your apartment at 9:30 at night to use your toilet. “She must be HIS…(she indicated towards the outside hallway) girlfriend.”

It’s interesting how my Taiwanese roommate refuses to ever say his name. It’s always “HE” or “THAT man”. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t remember his name? Or perhaps it’s because (like me), she’s a little afraid of him?

Even as I type this, I’m worried that he’ll somehow stumble upon this blog, recognize me and my description of him, sneak across our balcony in the middle of the night…and smother me in a pile of his dirty laundry.

Seriously. I think he’s got some Voldemort mind-control thing going on with that model, because, really, how else can you explain it?

If you don’t hear from me again…you’ll know why.

Top Five Things I Want to Do Before I Leave Japan

Reannon Muth — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 13:20:00 +0000

Me, in front of Matsumoto Castle

Now that I have less than a month left on this island, I feel this constant, nagging urge to dig out my Lonely Planet guide book and get to work crossing off all of the touristy “must sees” of Japan.

Just yesterday I was actually contemplating if I should visit Tokyo Tower or Tsukiji Fish Market sometime next week. But then I was like, wait a mintue. Why would you want to visit a tackier, uglier version and blatent rip-off of the Eiffel Tower? And since when is waking up before dawn to watch some smelly fish being sold in front of a horde of snap-happy tourists an idea of a ‘good time’ to you? Luckily, I came to my senses. And here’s my Top Five list.

5. Attend a Traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony.

4. Enjoy a ridiculously over-priced 1,800 yen cocktail at the New York Bar in the Park Hyatt Hotel (where “Lost in Translation” was filmed, a favorite film of mine!).

3. Visit the Butler Cafe.

It’s a Maid Cafe for women! Good looking (?) foreign men in tuxes’s call you ‘madam’ and ‘princess’ and lavish you with attention. While ordering around my own ‘man-servant’ has never been a particular life goal of mine, I think the cafe sounds like fun! A real ‘only in Japan’ experience, no?

2. Go to the Kanamara Matsuri (Festival of the Steel Phallus, or “Penis Festival!”)

None of my Japanese friends believe me when I tell them, but the Penis Festival is actually a real, Japanese festival and not some gay porn convention. Like with any good festival, there’s going to be drinking and dancing in the streets and…giant penis shrines, seasaws and penis-shaped snacks and deserts.

1. Go to Kyoto!

I have a four day weekend coming up next week and I plan on couch-surfing in Kyoto. I’ve already arranged to meet up for dinner with a few people there as well. I’m super excited. I went there once in high school, but I’ve been wanting to visit again as an adult. Somehow I think I’ll appreciate all of those temples a little bit more now than I did at 15.

There are a few things that didn’t make it on my list because unfortunately I just don’t have the time or the money. Okinawa was one, the Yuki Matsuri was another. And I really wanted to take that overnight ferry ride to Miyakejima to swim with the dolphins. But I guess I’ll just have to come back to do those things, now won’t I?

Know of anything else that should be added to my list?