I tend to treat my private lessons with my Japanese teacher like therapy sessions. I’ll tell her about how one of my student’s is abusing me. I’ll show her the bite marks and the bruises and share horror stories involving chalk dust thrown in my eyes and markers hurled at my head.
I’ll in turn curse them out in my head and complain about them to anyone who will listen and bitch about them in this blog.
These mind games are exhausting though and it’s a losing battle. Yesterday I found myself wishing I could call a truce. I wish I had a magical remote control, where I could just press a button and have everything I said be instantaneously dubbed in Japanese. Because if only we spoke the same language, I would sit them all down on the floor and over tea, have a pow wow of group therapy session. A little heart-to-heart. And this is what I would tell them:
“I respect your desire to raise your children as if they are feral dogs instead of human beings and I admire your remarkable ability to stay calm while your children hit and scream and break the copy machine in a fit of rage. However, your children belong in a zoo and not in a classroom and I would appreciate it if you would keep them in a cage at home from now. Thank you very much.”
My God, how I would have loved to shout all of this at them yesterday. Magical remote control or not, it would have felt so good.
My Japanese tutor says these mother’s are unfortunately becoming rather common place in Japan. They even have a term for it, “Monster Mothers.” Apparently, these Monster Mother’s have seen how children in the West live happy, carefree childhoods and want to create that for their own children. They know that school, the children’s’ future careers and the pressures from the strict and rigid Japanese society will eventually beat some discipline into them. So in the meantime, they let them have as much fun as possible while they still can. I can understand this sentiment. It’s bizarre but around seven or eight of age is usually when I see a marked difference in Japanese children’s behavior. It’s definitely a turning point. They go from wild and out of control hellions to sullen, soft-spoken, timid sheep. It’s sad.
I’ve asked other ESL teacher’s for some words of wisdom. They all have similar complaints. But the best advice they could give me was to “not care so much” and hit the bar a lot after work.
Here’s What Teacher Barbie Looks Like on the Weekends…
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l279/jennibug126/50387a52.jpg
Related posts:
Sometimes it can suck to teach kids in Japan! I taught a horrible class of 5 year olds in which one little girl, Kana, would get out of control, then bring the rest of the class down with her. Luckily the manager of the school, who was Japanese, would come stand in the doorway and give the kids a look and they would behave while she was standing there in the doorwary, once she left though the class was shot to hell. They wouldn’t obey me for the world but she could silence them with one look…I still don’t get it.
Anyways who knows what goes on in the mind of the kids you teach and their parents, but props for being enthusiastic every week! Not many people could teach kids week after week who were out of control, along with enduring snickering parents!
I have a Kana who’s a trouble-maker as well!
That’s interesting that the “teacher look” your manager gave the kids actually worked. Maybe it’s because I’m foreign, but it never seems to scare the kids. In fact, when I stop the class and glare at them, they usually just react in confusion. I don’t think that they even understand that I’m angry…Must be a cultural difference in facial expressions or something.
Were you ever able to successfully discipline them? Did you find any tricks that worked for you?
Yeah, the parents…they are definitely a challenge. I’d love to be able to read their minds. It’s not knowing what they’re thinking that is the worst!
“…said that she couldn’t talk to the mothers because that would be rude and wasn’t the Japanese Way.”
Rude? So letting your kids act like animals isn’t rude? Japanese culture has no lack of hypocrisy. I’ve heard quite a bit about this problem. A lot of Asian cultures treat their little kids as “little emperors”.
I also don’t by that theory that you should let your kid run wild to let him “enjoy his freedom” while he’s free. You can enjoy your childhood and still have discipline.
My parents never hesitated to smack me when I got out of line and the result was I was still a happy kid and I felt protected by them–I just had to be good or I suffered the consequences.
Kids actually LOVE to be disciplined by their parents, even if they throw a fit over it. That feeling of parental authority makes them feel protected and secure. I think people who are lax parents shouldn’t be parents because their kids grow up to be sub-par humans.
Sadly, no form of discipline that I ever used on the kids worked as well as when the manager would come into the class. One method that I used that worked the best was when I would stop talking and sit in silence staring at the wall until they realized that something was wrong, then they’d quiet down for at least a little while. If you teach kids that are 7 and up a good form of discipline is the point system. You divide the class into teams at the beginning of class and everytime a student is bad you take away a point from whichever team they’re on. That can sometimes work pretty well with the older kids. Good luck!! Good luck with the mothers as well, too bad you can’t banish them from the class, haha.
Just sort of a thought from my readings (and not first-hand experince) on Japan… Many mothers in Japan only have the “mother” role, and nothing else. They may even see their husbands and family only rarely. For some women, raising their children is all they have, and doing it well is imperative. They may not have anything else to do besides come to watch their children learn from you. Also, sons especially tend to get leniency during their younger years and this whole “running wild” business.
I also agree with the school manager that any confrontation about this, no matter how well-worded, would be considered rude. What we in America consider open and honest communication is unspeakable in Japanese culture. There’s so much circumnavigation in Japanese society that I really wonder if I would ever be able to deal with it at all! I’m very frank!
I wish I could offer you some advice based on experience, but all I can give is the whole blah blah blah anthropology blah blah blah highly-coded society talk. I’m very impressed that you can put up with this. Maybe if you choose to see it as an amusing show it would make it easier? After all, they’re paying to be there, so what they get out of it is wholly up to the child and parent.
Certainly time to ditch the teaching profession if that is how we as female teachers are perceived!!
Thanks guys, for the thoughtful responses! I’ve been really, really busy trying to find a new job this past week…So I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.
Vin – I completely agree! Children need discipline! That’s why I have such a hard time because I’m not allowed to discipline them and even if I was, if the parents aren’t doing it at home, what difference would it make? It’s frustrating…especially since I just can’t get over that image I always had of the stereotypical “well-behaved, polite Japanese child”. The reality is so different! Although, not their fault.
Sarah – I actually do the point system as well. It works to a point…(ha ha) until they lose all of their points and they realize that my threats of “calling their parents” or of them “getting in trouble” lacked any merit and were just empty threats. Were you allowed to put your students in time-out or anything? Call their parents? Kick them out?
Bo- Are you an anthropology major? Do you have any books you’d suggest I read on the subject of Japanese culture? I just read “Kata: How to Understand and Deal with Japanese People” and didn’t like it much. It was more of a general introduction and didn’t give me enough specific examples. Didn’t go into enough detail.
It’s true, honest communication doesn’t exist! I hate hate hate hate hate hate that more than anything. I’m completely about being honest…with myself, with others. And I value that in other people too. Here, it’s considered rude! It’s tough.
Catherine – I don’t know how much it’s female teachers in general…or just me! It could be something that I’m doing unconciously that’s causing problems. Some cultural misunderstanding. It’s really hard to say. : (
You might be interested in a book called “Japanese Etiquette and Ethics in Business” by Boye De Mente. It’s a little dated (and much of it, of course, is about business), but I think a lot of the cultural observations are timeless.
Another fascinating book is “Permitted and Prohibited Desires” by Anne Allison.
I’m afraid neither of these books will offer any valuable tips on disciplining unruly Japanese children or parents, but they will offer a lot of insight in to their culture.
Good luck!